Helping Children Overcome Fears

If we are honest with ourselves, most of us will admit that we are afraid of something. Whatever that something is- we don't want anyone to try to pust that object or situation on us - because as silly as it may seem to someone else - that fear is very real for us.  Likewise, our children have
 fears too, and just as we want our fears respected, we must also respect the fears of our children.

Some common childhood fears are of darkness, animals, storms, fire, water, or strangers.  Some children fear that their parents will be hurt or killed.  Also common id the child's fear of new situations, such as starting a new school, getting a new caregiver, moving to a new neighborhood, or spending he night at the home of a relative.

Around your child's second birthday, he or she may become frightened by things that did not cause fear before - the neighbor's dog, the bathtub drain, and loud noises.  Several factors contribute to a child developing fears.  Children between the ages of two and six have experienced real fear or pain from being lost, injured, or bitten.  They also have vivid imaginations and struggle with the idea of cause and effect.

Hear are some tips for helping your child overcome fears:

Accept your child's fear as valid.   Support your child any time he or she is frightened.  Use a matter-of -fact attitude and some reassuring words.  It's OK to explain that monsters don't really live under the bed, but don't expect you child to believe it.

Show your child how to cope.  Young children can learn coping skills that willl help them feel like they have more control of their fear.  Learning how to take deep breaths, using their imagination to turn a scary monster into a funny monster, or keeping a flashlight by the bed after the lights are turned off are all good examples of coping skills.

It is best not to force a child into fearful situations all at once.  Often the "shock" method will backfire and instensify the fear.  A small dose at a time is the best way to help a child over-come fear.

If your child has been traumatized by the tradgedies other children have suffered, or by scary incidents in her own life, you can take several steps to help her feel safe and secure.  Make your home a safe haven with frequent contact between you and the child.  Quiet routines and an emphasis on family rituals and traditions are ways to reduce stress and have fun together.

Remember that some fear is good.  Children should have a healthy sense of caution.  Strange dogs and strange people can be dangerous.  As children grow older, they begin to have a better understanding of cause and effect, and reality versus fantasy. They also may gain some first-hand experience with the object of their fear and discover ways to control potentially dangerous situations. 

The next time you get ready to tell your child "the boogey man is going to get you", think about how you would feel if someone threatened to put the object of your fear on you.